Dear Xanga,

                      Today is the most boring day of my life besides yesterday. WOW. I was actually able to get up in the morning after talking on the phone from 10pm until 3am with a person named NEIL aka NGHIA. FUCK! I cried and then I laughed and then I Couldn't sleep and junk. School was so fucking boring. Summer school is very boring. All I could think about was going home and just eating PHO or some type of food. DAMN I'M HUNGRY! My CHEMISTRY teach is named MR.DRAKE. He is pretty cool and I guess he understands his students since he is a school ADMINISTRATOR. I think enjoying chem is a good possibility. The really sad part about being at school is that there is no HOT PERSON at school. This is the only reason I went to Summer School besides getting ahead for AP BIO was to see the hotties. Oh well, what can I say? Why should I be looking for a HOTTIE when I almost have one named HUBBIE! To answer your question TEDDY, I do miss our nice conversations. It's kinda funny to see that we went from happy conversations to sad ones and back to happy. I guess it is because your with **** still and I'm jealous. I envy **** and I just feel that your rightful place is in my HEART not in ****'s, although I'm happy for **** and you have all my blessings. I must say that I do wish we were back together but I don't really see that happening in the near future. It makes me sad to see what we became, from A LOVING COUPLE to something called JUST FRIENDS. I think I didn't lose the feeling but I said that because I felt as though as I kept you and **** from reaching a relationship beyond what you have right now. I hope you two don't break up because I don't know what I would do or how to feel. On one hand it could be my pitifulness and your sympathy you start talking to me again and then I would feel that I forced you into doing something you didn't want to do. Or on the other hand it could be the fact we still love each other to get back with one another although we saw other people. Its really confusing but the concept is clear that we LOVE each other deeply but we just don't know what we want. I do know what thing though and that is I STILL WANT YOU! I LOVE YOU HUB^2!

Anyways back to school and less gossip. I had the most boring experience in class. First we learned about sig figs. I thought it was stupid and then we learned about rounding off and junk like that. The funny thing is that someone threw up in SESSION 2 of CHEM ( summer school is divided into 2 periods.....session 1 and session 2). I thought it was the funniest shit ever because all of a sudden you hear water drop on the floor "SPLAT" and then you hear " Oh shit" and then " Ewww it stinks". Everyone was really grossed out but I saw marshmellows and strawberry's. LOL, thats what happens when you eat sugary foods in the morning and then acidic shit after. I feel sorry for that kid.

Another really great thing happened to me today. I'm FRIENDS with CHAD again in which I'm very happy to see that we are conversating again. We haven't exactly talked about anything since MARCH and now we actually talk for about 2-5 minutes at a time. I mean its nothing really but its a hella of a start. I really appreciate CHAD for opening up to me again and talking to me and accepting my apologies for me hurting him. I think that was very admirable and I really feel that we are gonna be great friends again. CHAD IS TOTALLY RAD! He is such a great cat, I regret fighting with him in MARCH! I sorta miss the whole BESTFRIEND thing but its going to come back. I'M SORRY CHAD how I could be annoying sometimes but I'm trying to fix it so we could be at another level of friendship. Thanks for being my buddy and hopefully I can cheat off of you in CHEM.....hahahah......j/k.......XP! YOUR WAYY KOOL!

It sucks being single. Its like I forgot the meaning of love. Like the feeling you lost something that you know you will never find. Sorta like finding a needle in a hay stack. I wish I would find my needle so I wouldn't have to worry about these drama hay's. These past few days have been filled with drama and I just want it to go away. XANGA is helping me express every detail of my life and I really love expressing myself now. I noticed that I've been writing alot and hopefully it continues. I guess you could say that LOVE for me isn't an EASY thing. I know now to cherish love while I have it or I'll regret love by letting it slip. The funny thing is that I've done that a billion times and yet everytime I regret it. I guess I never learn. MAYBE SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH ME?! I wish someone would just swoop me off my feet......AHEM AHEM.... maybe you?

Well, I'm just writing whatever now and this was my day. Hope it was entertaining you peeps because there is more to my life story. I'll try to keep my xanga updated. Until then I hope you guys read about me and the shit going on in my life and THEN HIT ON ME! Oh how lonely I am...... waiting for the right person? Some to hold, kiss, love, someone to cherish, keep, and remember.......oh how I wait.....XP

Dearest Xanga,

                        Its been a while since I have typed in this shit. Well anyhow, its best I write again because there is nothing to hide. Over the past weeks after school ended have been partly boring. I mostly hung out with my cousins and went to the movies. I really love my cousins. THEY ROCK. I'm going to hecka miss them when they go back to MISSISSIPPI. Both of them live so far. AIYAH! Its like I am limited to see them in which thats kinda fucked up. Limited you ask? Yea they live hundreds of miles away which is not really walking distance if you ask me. HAHA. Anyhow, the reason they live so far is quite decieving. They're DAD, Uncle Truong, claims its because of CALIFORNIAN EARTHQUAKES but if you think about it the question is asked, WHAT ABOUT HURRICANES AND TORNADOS? They do just as much damage as earthquakes. However, I belive that there is a different reason to their department. Back in 1994 or 1995, my uncle and his kid (cousins) left their mom due to their differences. Kinda sad if you ask me. Their family was really kool and I never thought such a thing would happen to them. Again i found out the truth was that my uncle's wife, CHEATED ON HIM. My uncle was furious and couldn't take it and left. My cousin's are deeply hurt by their mother and I would be too. After all these years, my bestest COUSIN JASON is still hurt by his mom. Although he may not express his feelings I know he is hurt. He told me once that he was fucken mad that his mom would do such a thing and also left his dad for someone else and then have a kid with the other guy. I mean, shit just built up after the break up and i know for sure that my cousin is still sad. I bet my uncle left because he loved his wife and he wouldn't be able to deal with it if he saw his wife with another dude with a family. I would cry my eyes out if that happened to me so I understand what's happening. I believe that it was a bad idea to isolate him and his kids in MISSISSIPPI. I know its hard but the best way to stop hurting is to face the problem. The whole point is that it WAS something and now  it's nothing anymore. Chin up and come back to California. She did you wrong and you shouldn't worry about someone hurting you like that. ITS OVER and keep it that way. Come back and show that you can live without her, grow from your fears and turn your anger into something productive and come home. I WILL MISS YOU GUYS. Brian is Jason's brother whom i can't forget to bring into this blog. He is my bestest COUSIN TOO. He really is a kool guy. I mean I can't say I get along to well with my mom's side of the family but hey MY 2 COUSINS ARE GREAT. Brian cheered me up here and there and I got to bond with him. I wanted to hook him up with a girl but he thought she was ugly so i kept trying. HAHAH. He should have just sed YES and i would have kept my ass quiet but oh well. Brian is comedy. He likes my good friend BLISS and thinks SKYLAR is hot. Sometimes I get sad just knowing the fact that my cousin's are leaving and I'm not gonna see them for awhile. It's sucks not growing up with my cousin's whom are about my age. STILL THE LOVE WE SHARE IS MUY STRONGO. LOL. I love my cousin's thats bottom line.

I also hung out with RUTH in which I though was a great relief from a neverending school year. Sometimes I think to myself what a GREAT FRIEND/ SISTER/ COUSIN/ WHATEVER it is she wants to be of mine I have. I wouldn't have made it this far without her. I think to myself where would I be? The answer is nothing without RUTH. She inspired me to try and be able to live whom I want to be and it made me a better person. She is my paradise away from home even when I'm at home. When we talk our conversations get deep and we know the buttons to push to calm each other down and when we can't....we wait....and even if it takes forever....RUTH would always be there for me....in the midst of her battles...of her torments....in her depressions....in her happinesses....SHE IS THERE. Thats why I love her so MUCH. Its like deeper than family love...deeper than BRO to SIS....its almost like the forever bond of marriage or what it is suppose to be.... in other words....RUTH AND I are a forever bond. There is no word to describe our level of friendship. We're just 2 people whom were once 1. Having her friendship and her love...I am forever thankful for it. I LOVE YOU RUTH!

My downe life has changed. I guess it changed for the better. Although I am still edgy and haven't reached full happiness, I'm slowly reaching it once again. My parents know about me along with other family members and people. They are accepting it in a way at the same time rejecting it. Its a big improving from before though. At the very moment I love my life. I just expect or hope more will be coming my way. Its been a long time since I've been together with someone. I mean a serious relationship. I think the serious relationship I had was _ _ _ _ and I miss it in a way. I think its been a year and a half. I feel lonely and junk but I'm happy. I just wish I was in LOVE again. I know I'm ugly and I'm not very special but very few people made me feel I was their world. I miss it. I wish I was hot so LOVE CAN LOOK FOR ME instead of ME LOOKING FOR LOVE. I HATE BEING SINGLE!

I feel like a changed person. I changed a lot over the month or so. I really like this change and I hope to define myself more. I'm still looking for ME. I know that I'm downe and junk but I wanna know my deeper thoughts. I know the person to help me refine and define and that person is RUTH. CHANGE IS GOOD!